I'm Here

I did it. I made my first trip to CA on a one way ticket since 2004. Time flies.

I thought I would cry when closing the door to my apartment for the last time. Or saying goodbye to the friends I so love. Or at least in the cab on the way to the airport. But I didn't. Not once. Not one. single. tear.

I am not sure what to make of that. I thought for sure there would be tears. I am the teariest person I know. Instead of being overwhelmed with emotion, I am overwhelmed by the fact that I seem to be feeling... nothing?

The only conclusion I can come to is that I was either more ready to leave NYC than I thought, or the reality of what is happening hasn't quite sunk in. The last week and a half has been so crazy/hectic/stressful that maybe I am just not emotionally equipped to deal with the truth. Like, my brain is refusing to comprehend my reality as some sort of protective mechanism... because if I really, really let it sink in I might end up suffering dissociative amnesia or something. You never know.

On the other hand, I have always been exceptionally good at adapting to new situations and places. My mentality has always kind of been "wherever you go, there you are". Maybe that's just the simple, boring truth behind my reaction (or...lack of reaction). Maybe the drama queen in me was hoping for... I don't know... some more drama. But there's not much to get dramatic about... I was there, and now I'm here, and NY still exists and it's time for me to move on.

I suppose only time will tell. Maybe reality will set in a few weeks. Maybe I'll get dramatic in the middle of November or December, when I realize I won't have a white Christmas. Or maybe I'll love the palm trees and the blue tourmaline sky too much to care.